


Hungover in the City of Dust

by haircutnamedarthur



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Ash needs a Hug, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, eiji is an absolute love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 10:16:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17806151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haircutnamedarthur/pseuds/haircutnamedarthur
Summary: Ash is woken up by a terrible nightmare and he isn't sure what would be worse, Eiji noticing or Eiji NOT noticing.





	Hungover in the City of Dust

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write something for Banana Fish for ages! I love Ash and Eiji so much oh my goodness.

_He had to get away._

_A frantic scream clawed its way up from his throat as he scrambled back, desperate to escape._

_He couldn’t._

_He-_

Ash woke with a gasp and sat up in bed, struggling to catch his breath. Had he really screamed, or had that just been in his dream? His heart felt like it was going to pound clean out of his chest. He bunched the duvet up in his hands, trying to get a grip on something, anything. He wanted to ground himself, but he couldn’t seem to find anything to latch onto. This routine of waking up in a cold sweat was a familiar one, but that didn’t make it any less terrifying. The nightmares never failed to cut him to the quick no matter how often he dreamed them. Even after he woke up, fear coursed through his veins like ice water and made him feel like the world was ending. Or at least that _his_ world was ending. Something was ending.  He could feel it deep within himself.

Images from the dream flashed through his mind as if they were on reels of film.  He trembled.  In spite of himself, a ragged sob burst from his throat before he could stifle it.  Before he’d started staying with Eiji, Ash never had to worry about waking anyone up but he desperately, desperately didn’t want to wake Eiji. 

He didn’t want Eiji to see him like this, shaking like he was fixing to shatter into a million pieces with hot tears scalding his cheeks and sobs rattling in his chest.  His stomach twisted in on itself and he felt ill.  No, Eiji couldn’t see him like this.  Never.  All he wanted to do, all he _needed_ to do was to protect Eiji.  And how could he do that if a dream made him fall apart?  He cursed himself for being so childish.  So weak.  Ash Lynx, the legendary gang leader, brought to his knees night after night after night from something as stupid as a nightmare.

In those moments he hated himself.

More than he usually did, anyway.

As he kneaded his hands into the blanket, attempting to get a hold of himself, a small, selfish part of Ash wanted Eiji to wake up.  He looked over at Eiji’s sleeping form in the next bed.  Eiji was just feet from him, but to Ash he felt impossibly far away.  An ocean may as well have been between them.  Digging his finger nails into his palms, Ash was ashamed of the temptation to let himself cry just a tiny bit louder to see if Eiji would wake.  It would be so easy.  But he couldn’t do it.

Eiji always, always knew what to do and what to say to make Ash feel better.  Never before in his life had Ash ever met someone who he could depend on to always say the right thing.  But that was just the problem.  In his world, Ash couldn’t depend on anyone, and he certainly didn’t want to drag Eiji down into his problems even more than he already did.  Eiji was too good.  But sitting there in his bed, sweat beading on his upper lip and salting his tongue, Ash wanted nothing more than to hear Eiji’s voice, to feel his touch.  If anyone could pull him out of this spiral of terror, it was Eiji.

He wanted to be rescued.

Ash couldn’t let Eiji do that, though.  Eiji didn’t need to save him.  Eiji didn’t need that.  Eiji didn’t need _him._

But as Ash wrapped his own arms tight around his ribcage in a last-ditch attempt to stop himself from flying apart, he felt so scared and sick and small and alone that he couldn’t bear it.

Despite his best efforts, he whimpered aloud.  In the next bed over, the blankets rustled, and Ash froze.  _No, no, please go back to sleep Eiji.  Please.  Don’t look at me.  Please._

“Ash?” Eiji rolled over to face him and sat up in bed.  His thick, dark hair was stuck up at all kinds of crazy angles but his eyes were bright with wakefulness.  Even in the darkness of the room, illuminated only by the light one of them had forgotten to turn off in the bathroom creeping through the half open door, Ash could see the concerned wrinkle form between Eiji’s eyebrows.  “Are you okay, Ash?”

“I’m fine,” Ash tried to say, but his voice broke.  He didn’t know whether to feel relieved or ashamed that he’d woken up Eiji.

“Ash,” Eiji whispered in a voice that was so soft and sad that Ash couldn’t help but break.  It was too late anyway, since Eiji had already woken up.  He couldn’t hide any more.  Ash curled in on himself as he wept, pressing the heel of his right hand to his forehead.

Ash heard the soft thump of Eiji’s feet hitting the floor as he slipped out of bed and crossed the gap between the beds in one, two, three strides.  He sat on the edge of Ash’s bed.  Even though Ash didn’t raise his head, he could tell that Eiji was reaching towards him, but with hesitation, like he wasn’t quite sure what to do.

“Is it okay if I touch you?  Or would that be worse?” Eiji asked and Ash couldn’t bring himself to try and find his voice so he slumped against Eiji by way of an answer.  Without skipping a beat, Eiji’s arms were around Ash and he rested his chin on top of his head, tucking him away from the world.  He rubbed his hand up and down Ash’s spine.  Eiji’s comforting made Ash realize just how frightened he’d been and he cried even harder, shoulders quaking.  “Oh, Ash.  I’ve got you.  You’re safe now.  I’ve got you,” Eiji said over and over and over, rocking back and forth with Ash still in his arms.  Ash pressed his face into Eiji’s collarbone and let himself sob. 

If felt good.  Even though he was supposed to be the one keeping Eiji safe, Ash couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt as secure as he did in that moment, with his head tucked under Eiji’s chin and his hands balled up in the fabric of Eiji’s pajama shirt.  Hell, even _crying_ felt good now that he wasn’t alone.  He’d needed a good cry for a long, long time.  The tension left Ash’s body by degrees until he went limp, and once he’d cried himself out to the point that all he had left in him were sniffles and hiccups, Eiji leaned back so they were both reclined on Ash’s pillows.  Ash was still bundled up against Eiji’s chest, and Eiji started to card his fingers through Ash’s sweaty hair.

“Do you want to talk about it?”  Eiji asked.

“No,” Ash whispered, hoarse.

“That’s okay.  If you change your mind, I’m ready to listen.”

“I’m sorry,” Ash mumbled, face pillowed on Eiji.  Between the nightmare and the crying, he felt absolutely knackered and he didn’t think he could have moved even if he’d wanted to.

“Hush.  Don’t be,” Eiji told him with a reassuring squeeze.  “Everyone needs help sometimes, Ash.  Even you.”

“Still.”

Eiji hummed and held Ash closer.  “Ash, I _want_ to be there for you.  You’re always here for me, let me be here for you.  It won’t scare me off, if that’s what you’re worried about.  Nothing could.”

Unsure of how he wanted to respond, Ash buried his face deeper against Eiji and hoped that somehow conveyed how thankful he was.  “I don’t want you to feel alone anymore, Ash.  You protect me, so let me do this for you, okay?  Let me help you.”  Eiji stroked Ash’s hair with a gentle touch.

“You help me more than you even know,” Ash mumbled into Eiji’s shirt.  “Thank you.”

“Try and get some sleep, Ash.  You must be tired.  I’ll stay here with you, if you want me to,” Eiji said, and Ash nodded without raising his head and hooked one of his legs around Eiji’s so the two of them were even more tangled together.  He felt safe and warm and loved and his eyelashes were already fluttering with sleep.  As he nodded off, still wrapped in Eiji’s arms, he was almost certain that Eiji brushed a kiss to the top of his head.  There were no words to be found, so Ash snuggled closer against Eiji’s chest and allowed himself to be carried off by sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that you enjoyed it!! Please let me know what you think, I LOVE getting comments, it really makes my day! My writing songs for this fic were "Hungover in the City of Dust" by Autoheart (hence the title) and "I've Been Waiting" by Lil Peep and iLoveMakonnen ft. Fall Out Boy.
> 
> Come cry about Banana Fish with me on twitter @pennylanewrites
> 
> Aaaaaalso, I'm going to start uploading a multichapter Banana Fish fic in the not so distant future, so please keep an eye out for that if you're interested!


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